THANK YOU!

How sleep the brave, who sink to rest,
By all their country's wishes blest!
When Spring, with dewy fingers cold,
Returns to deck their hallow'd mould,
She there shall dress a sweeter sod
Than Fancy's feet have ever trod.
By fairy hands their knell is rung,
There Honour comes, a pilgrim gray,
To bless the turf that wraps their clay;
And Freedom shall awhile repair,
To dwell, a weeping hermit, there.


~William Collins

New Catholic Toolbar!

On my sidebar, you will notice a new button from Catholic Gadget! This is awesome! I just downloaded this Catholic Mom Toolbar! What a great resource! It provides links for Catholic Mom Blogs, Catholic Homeschooling information, Catholic crafts, Catholic Forums...the weather, and an email notifier!

Give it a whirl!

This and That!

The end of the school year is always so busy!  There are library books to find and return, teacher gifts to purchase, class parties to attend!  All of this can be really time consuming and tiring!  It seems as though the kids are bouncing off the walls!  They are ready for the year to be OVER! 

My beautiful, Amelia, graduated from Kindergarten on Monday!  I don't necessarily agree with the notion of an official "Graduation" ceremony (with cap/gown & diploma), but I must admit, it was a lovely program and I was definitely a proud mama!  Her final report card was excellent and I'm very pleased with the progress she made this year!  She is reading completely on her own!  I know for a fact that I didn't read until First Grade!

Amelia on Graduation Day with Grandpa & Grandma!

Amelia and Sister Clare on Graduation Day!

Since her graduation was on Monday....she's been out of school all week!  Nathan and Olivia don't get out until Friday!  Although I have enjoyed some one on one time with Amelia this week, I wish they were all out at the same time!  This can make for a very stressful morning when one gets to stay home (and isn't sick) and the others don't.  I literally have to PUSH them out the door!

Dan and I have been working on our finances and we are making some major changes here.  For one thing, we are going to get rid of cable!  We had made the decision a few months ago...but honestly, we wanted to wait until the series finale of LOST!  Now that it's over....we are going to take the plunge.  I think we just hit another billing cycle but by next month at this time, there will be VERY LITTLE television in this house!  This will be just as hard for me as it will be for the kids, but I believe it's the right thing to do for our budget and the right thing to do for our souls.  There will be less distraction, less inappropriate commercials and a lot more time for each other and for the things of God!

Another thing that will be changing is our phone/internet service.  We found that we were paying a huge amount for this service that we really didn't need.  We will no longer have messaging services, caller ID, call waiting or unlimited long distance.  We will have a regular answering machine and if we're on the phone when someone else calls......they'll hear a BUSY SIGNAL!  We'll have to see how the long distance thing goes...for now.  Two of Dan's siblings as well as my sister, all live far enough away that it requires long distance calls.  In addition, some of my very best friends live out of state.  We will try this for awhile to see how it goes but we may need to be flexible with this as it's important for us to keep in touch with our family and friends.

When I escaped from the hospital on Friday, I came home and found out that my sister was also in the hospital.  She has been having some major health issues for several years.  I am hopeful that they can get to the bottom of all of her pain....both physical and emotional....and have her on the road to healing soon.  She asked me to put her on my prayer list and so, I thought I would ask you...my wonderful online friends, if you would pray for her also.  In addition to my sister, I have another dear friend who is struggling with metastatic breast cancer.  She faces an uphill battle at the moment and she needs some peace about the very serious decisions she is having to make.  All prayers are appreciated!

Blessings to all of you!!

Seek What Is Better

Meditation for May 25th

Seek what is better than you are so that you can be made better by it.  If you desire gold, you may or may not obtain it.  But you can always possess God whenever you wish.  Desire God so that you may have Him, and then finally you will be really happy.  This alone will make you truly happy.  Love this, possess this; you can have this when you wish and without cost.  -St. Augustine Commentary on Psalm 32, 16

Prayer:  My faith, O Lord, which You gave me through the humanity of Your Son, calls upon You. -St. Augustine Confessions 1,1

Better

Well, you'll all be happy to know that I'm feeling more human these days.  I've put the events of the last two weeks behind me...and I'm MOVIN' ON!!!  Honestly, I had a little help though.  Thursday morning I had a check up scheduled with my primary care doctor.  After a routine EKG, my MD informed me that it looked "abnormal" to her and that she thinks I might have had a HEART ATTACK!!!  She suggested that I see a cardiologist RIGHT AWAY!  Well, I did not pass "GO", nor collect $200!!!  I went straight to the ER!

After 48 hours of testing....(ultrasounds, Cat Scans, Nuclear Stress Tests, blood thinners given by injection into MY BELLY, Chest Xrays, additional EKG's, NO FOOD)....it was found that I, in fact, DID NOT have a heart attack...and....all of my EKG'S done at the hospital were NORMAL!! 

The moral of this story is....

1.  Do NOT allow your regular doctor to give you an abnormal diagnosis on an EKG without getting a second opinion!  Apparently, EKG's are very tricky to read and unless you are SKILLED at reading them and do so on a REGULAR basis....you really shouldn't give out such results.

2.  ALL things in life must be put into PERSPECTIVE!!  It's really wise to do your best to prioritize and when you find that you have all the things in life that are truly important....DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!  I spent the last week whining and crying like a baby over a situation that in the grand scheme of things...was not that important.  It took thinking I had a heart attack to help me to realize this.

Is "knuckleheadedness" hereditary (and...is it even a word)???

Disappointment

Merriam-Webster describes "disappointment" as a failure to meet the expectation or hope of .   I am dealing with some major disappointment today.  I think the emotion is compounded when the disappointment was caused by someone you love.  I don't know how fast I will recover from this.

I guess trying to understand what is in my area of control and what isn't is the key to moving forward.  Perhaps an honest self assessment is in order.  I guess whining and complaining isn't going to get me anywhere either.

I really felt the heaviness tonight. Usually I lead the prayers during our family rosary.  But tonight, I could barely utter the words.  I chose misery...and that's exactly what I got!  Shame on me!

I'll be taking a blogging break while I lick my wounds.  Mr. Pride must be dealt with yet again.  Oh how I hate the fact that he lives here.

Sign of Love

May 14th Meditation

Know that those who have love are born of God; those who do not have it are not born of God.  This is the distinctive sign par excellence.  No matter what else you might have, if you lack this, it profits you nothing.  And no matter what else you lack, if you have this you have fulfilled the law.  -St. Augustine Sermon on 1 John 5,7

Prayer:  O God, be my inheritance, for I love You totally.  With all my heart, with all my mind.  I love You.
-St. Augustine Sermon 334,3

May Crowning

I can't believe that we are half way through the month of May! It seems as though the last few months have flown by and I can hardly recall what we've done! Thank goodness for this blog! I can at least click through my last several months worth of posts and see that we were, in fact, quite busy!

We didn't have (or at least not yet) a May Crowning "celebration", but we did manage to make a few things for our Blessed Mother statue that I wanted to share with you.

Just a few simple beads and some wire!

I know they should actually be made of flowers, but I thought this looked more like a crown.

Isn't she beautiful!  (yes..I realize she has no thumbs....but this statue has been through a lot!)

I found some blue flowers at the craft store that I thought would make a nice wreath.

I used some of the floral foam and just cut the stems off and stuck them in.

I think it looks pretty good!

Nothing is glued on, so I hope it all stays put!

The girls have been singing "Immaculate Mary" in the bathtub over the last few nights....does that count towards a May Crowning celebration???

Love Your Neighbor-Receive the Spirit

May 11 Meditation

How do we come to know that we have received the Holy Spirit? We must question our own heart. If we love our neighbor, the Spirit of God dwells in us. We must put ourselves to the test before God by seeing if there is in us love for peace and unity and love for the Church spread throughout the world. -St. Augustine Sermon on John 1:6, 10

Prayer: O Lord my God, let my soul praise You that it may love You. And let it recount to You Your mercies that it may praise You for them all. -St. Augustine Confessions 5, 11


Lord Jesus, do I love my neighbor enough? How can I know? Please show me!

Possessing the Scriptures

May 10th Meditation

When you understand anything in the Scriptures, it is love that is manifesting itself to you; when you fail to understand, it is love that is hiding itself from you.  Those, therefore, who possess charity possess both what is manifest in the divine words and what is hidden in them.  -St. Augustine Sermon 350, 2

Prayer:  Lord, increase my faith, hope, and love!  How wonderful and unmatched is Your goodness!  -St. Augustine Soliloquies 1,1


Heavenly Father, please lead me to a deeper understanding of charity.

Special gift from Nathan this morning.....

I received a very special Mother's Day gift from my first born this morning and I wanted to share it....

This was my breakfast in bed! He brought me yogurt, peanut butter toast with sugar on top, about a gallon of apple juice......and.......since he has no idea how to fry bacon.....bacon bits in a cup! I would say that this is a breakfast of champions....don't you????

And my Mother's Day would not be complete without the reference to how soft my hands are! (you can click on the image to make it a little bigger!)

This has been the BEST MOTHER'S DAY EVER!!!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of my mommy friends out there!

Spiritual Progress Draws Detractors

May 8th Meditation

People who change their way of life and begin to think about making spiritual progress also begin to suffer from the tongues of detractors.  Whoever has not yet suffered this trial has not yet made progress, and whoever is not ready to suffer it does not even endeavor to progress.  -St. Augustine Commentary on Psalm 119,3

Prayer: Come to my aid, O God, the one eternal, true reality!  In You there is no strife, no disorder, no change, no need, and no death; only supreme charity, supreme permanence, supreme fullness, and supreme life.  -St. Augustine Soliloquies 1,1

O God, may I suffer the tongues of detractors for your sake!

And the winner is.....

Frizzy!!!   Congratulations...I think you'll enjoy the book!  Just email me (see my profile page) your mailing address and I'll send it right over!!  Thanks for playing!!

Withdrawal from God

May 7th Meditation

Remember this. When people choose to withdraw far from a fire, the fire continues to give warmth, but they grow cold. When people choose to withdraw far from light, the light continues to be bright in itself but they are in darkness. This is also the case when people withdraw from God; and this why those who praise themselves cannot praise God. -St. Augustine Sermon 170,11.

Prayer: The human being is one of Your creatures, Lord, and its instinct is to praise You. -St. Augustine Confessions 1, 1

Lord Jesus....please send Your Spirit to prevent me from withdrawing from you! I want to be within the light and warmth of Your Presence. Amen.

Oh My Heavens!

I just hit PAY DIRT!!!  You have GOT to visit Monica at Lick The Bowl Good!!  Browse through her "kid friendly" recipes!  Clearly, I was not standing in the "Photography" or "Cooking" line when God was handing out talent............I was over in the "Procrastination" line...which is in between the "Frumpy Dress"  and  "Gray Hair Early" lines!  Nevertheless, I'm happy to live vicariously through Monica! :0)

Sunshine Award

I received this beautiful award from my friend Judy from Benmakesten!  It's called the Sunshine Award.  I'm delighted to be able to share this with other bloggers who are a great source of joy and encouragement for me.  Honestly, this is a hard one!  I receive so very much joy and encouragement from my blogging friends that it is very difficult to pick out just twelve!  Here goes....

Of course, blog awards come with rules…
1. Put the logo on your blog and/or within your post.
2. Pass the award on to twelve bloggers.
3. Link to the nominees within your post.
4. Let them know they received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and the link to the person from whom you received this award


1)  First up....Judy from Benmakesten!  Yes...right back at ya, Judy!  I am so thankful for her blog and website!  Every single time I visit (today in particular!), I am touched and inspired.  You will find oodles and oodles of information about family life, homeschooling, personal spiritual reflections and a wonderful E-Book called "I Surrender"!  Judy has a kind, gentle and sweet spirit that draws you right to Our Lord!  Thank you, Judy, for being the hands and feet of Jesus!

2)  Colleen from Thoughts on Grace!  I am always amazed at how God can use evil for good.  Colleen has shown me, through her experiences, that what satan means for evil, God will turn right around and bless someone else!  She is a wife, a mom, a grandmother, Spiritual Director, parish secretary, writer and an incest survivor!  Phew!  Her E-Book, Blueberry Muffins, Everyday Stories of God's Love is about those times in our lives when we've really experienced God's loving presence.  Her book called The Third Floor Window, A True Story of Secrets, Survival and Hope is about her healing journey through childhood sexual abuse. Visit Colleen today!  You won't be the same after you've done so!

3) Therese from The Musings of a Mom!  I think in many ways, Therese and I are soul sisters!  It's a shame that we live so far apart!  Her Italian/Catholic heritage makes her uniquely "cool" in my world!  I love that we share some of the same struggles and joys!  Although we've never physically met, I feel like I've known her for years!  She has 3 beautiful boys and 1 little princess!  Her smile will warm your heart!  Love you, Therese!

4)  Amanda from I Am Baker and I Am Mommy! Amanda has the type of talent that most of us only dream about!  Just take a few minutes to visit her sites and you will see things that YOU WON'T BELIEVE!!!  For instance...take a gander at THIS.....or THIS.....or.....how about THIS!  And let me tell you...this is only the tip of the iceberg!  Amanda is so sweet...she has had several encouraging words for me!  She inspires me as a mom!  Oh, the possibilities.....

5)  Mary from The Beautiful Gate!  To me, Mary just overflows with the love of God!  There are some people in this world that I think God blesses with a special ability to view the world through special "God Glasses"....Mary is one of them!  She is so good about doing her best to see what God has to say to her in the everyday musings of life!  Recently, after suffering most of her life with an unknown condition, she received a very special gift from God....the gift of HEALING!  This post brought me to my knees!  Spend some time with Mary....seriously!

6)  Abbey from Abbey's Road!  First of all, I love it when fellow bloggers share about their families!  It's really special to be able to be introduced to people you otherwise never would have known....had it not been for the blogging community!  There are blessings here that are beyond measure.  Abbey also allows me to share in some daily thoughts and meditations for Christian living...called Heartlight! Here is the most recent edition of Heartlight.  This is soooo uplifting and encouraging!  Sometimes, I'm convinced that God has sent me to Abbey's blog at just the exact moment that she has posted something He wanted me to know!

7)  Rocco Palmo from Whispers in the Loggia!  Do you want to know what's going on in the Church?  Do you want accurate information?  Rocco's blog is so very good...it's encouraging to see the Church through his decidedly orthodox eyes.  If you want to be able to read press releases and the texts of speeches from our Holy Father...this is the place.  He also provides some great photos that I haven't really seen anywhere else!

8)  Jenn at Ambrose-a-rama!  Jenn is one of the bravest people I know (or know...but have never actually met...)!  She and her lovely family live in China!  She encourages me almost everyday with her tales of living outside of this country!  Things are not easy in China...and they are very different!  She is thousands of miles away from her extended family and friends, yet she handles it all with grace and humor!  This incident alone would have pushed me over the edge!  I enjoy reading about her adventures!  You will too!  Besides....she loves Starbucks almost as much as I do! 

9) Erika at Simon Says....Hi Ya'll!  Erika is someone that I've been following for some time!  She is a breast cancer survivor with two small children!  She really is an example to me of how to pick yourself up...dust yourself off and start all over again!  She (like many I know) has struggled through treatment and reconstruction while still trying to be a mom, a wife, a daughter and a friend!  It is NOT EASY to keep it all together and I think Erika has done an outstanding job of keeping her head held high!  Erika...you truly are an inspiration to me!  Thank you for sharing your journey!

10)  Aspiring from Aspiring f.o.o.L. (friend of our Lord)!  Oh my!  Where do I start?  Aspiring brings joy to the world through her blog...truly!  You will not find "on the surface...light and fluffy jibberjabber" on this blog.  This is the real meat of our faith...as shared by the voices of the most influential intercessors that our world has ever known. Aspiring is a writer!  She does it well!  You will be challenged here!  Thank you, Aspiring, for all that you bring and share!  I am a different person because of you!

11)  Elizabeth from Turtle Cottage in the City!  Elizabeth is a true blessing to me!  She is so encouraging and uplifting.  She is always sharing about where her heart is....making a happy home for her wonderful husband, Dave and their little Candy!  I'm often encouraged by the simple way that Elizabeth goes about her vocation of homemaker.  I've often said that I wish they could come up with smellavision....the recipes she shares look so good and I've made a few of them myself.  Elizabeth has a cheerful attitude and is always looking for ways to bring the love of Christ to others as she serves.  Thank you, Elizabeth!

12)  Frizzy from Heaven's Gift!  I am ALWAYS encouraged when I visit Heaven's Gift!  Frizzy and her husband are adoptive parents to a beautiful little girl, YaYa!  They are currently in the process of a second adoption.  Frizzy is another one who loves to share photos of her family...and most days you will find me perusing her blog and smiling from ear to ear!  Frizzy, thank you for your words of encouragement!  You are a blessing to me!

Now, I could go on and on....but I won't...because it's 10:36 pm and I need my beauty sleep!  However, all of you mentioned here for this award (and all of the others...you KNOW who you are!), I thank you from the bottom of m heart for the joy, love, encouragement and prayers that you have shared with me over the last 18 months or so that I've been blogging!  Thank you for touching my heart!

REMINDER!!

This is a friendly reminder that there are only TWO days left for the book giveaway! Please click here to find out more and to add a comment to be eligible to win a copy of the book!!

Wordless Wednesday

Photo courtesy of the NY Times

Fear...Part Two

I think that my anxiety had disappeared because I felt safe. When living with my mom, we (my sister and I) were often “alone”. Physically, my mom was….present. But, emotionally, we were all alone. Most of the time my mom was in a drunken state….off in her own world where her own emotional baggage was bearable. Often, she would drink until she passed out…for hours at a time and not easily awakened, leaving my sister and I to fend for ourselves.
This is when the television became a companion. Just to have it on, hearing the voices of the Andy Griffith Show, The Munsters or Road Runner, helped me to not feel so alone. At least there was noise. Sadly, this dependence on the TV for company did not go away once I reached adulthood. I still have an unhealthy fixation with it….especially at night. When it seems that the entire world is asleep except for me, when I feel the loneliest, the TV is a rope, a life-line of sorts. It’s a form of distraction. I can escape from all that is turmoil inside of me.

When I was a child, I could pretend the t.v. was my mom. As a single adult, it became a roommate and a friend. More recently, it became my way of pretending that there is no cancer. If I could just keep my mind off of the fact that I’ve just lost my breast, all my female parts, my identity as woman…then maybe it isn’t real and I don’t have to be so afraid. I don't feel safe knowing I have had cancer.

Why is cancer so frightening? Is it the fear of the unknown? Is it fear of pain and suffering? Is it a fear of death? Yes….all of those things. As I write this, it was just announced that actress Lynn Redgrave just passed away (age 67) after a 7 year battle with breast cancer. Three weeks ago, I lost a dear friend of mine...also of breast cancer. She fought the battle twice! And yet another dear friend is currently dealing with breast cancer that has spread to a different part of her body. When does it end?

Sometimes, I wonder if this is all just a big game. One day, you're diagnosed and then, the next your playing the game of treatment. You jump through all the hoops that current science says you have to, knowing full well that there is a decent chance that it won't matter anyway. It seems as though you can spend anywhere from 2 to 10 years (sometimes longer) as a guinea pig. The medical community concocts a special "cocktail" for you in order to kill the cancer cells. You deal with nausea, fatigue and baldness (among other things) and there is still no guarantee that you won't be revisited by this nasty disease again.

Right now, treatment is over for me. Mine was completed on December 1st, 2008. I am quickly marching toward my 2 year anniversary of my diagnosis (July). Once your treatment is complete...you wait...and you wait and wait and wait some more. Every few months you visit the oncology office again just to touch base with them....praying to God that they don't give you bad news about the most recent PET scan. The sight and smell of that place brings you right back....right back to where you were when you were actively fighting it. You live with daily fear that it will return. Every ache and pain could mean that it's back.

This is how I now live....thankful for every breath that I'm allowed to take...every moment that I have with my family....yet almost paralyzed with fear at times that it could be my very last. I see and hear of deaths due to breast cancer and I wonder "how long will it be before it gets me too"?

Variations of the phrase "Be Not Afraid" appear in Sacred Scripture something like 85 times! Almost every time an angel appeared, they said "Be Not Afraid"! Even Pope John Paul II asked us to not be afraid. So why am I so darn afraid? I can't answer that. I only know that I am.

As I travel this road...this journey, I know that fear will be a part of it. I'm a veteran at dealing with it. I will still use the coping mechanisms I used as a child...and I'm quite sure the TV will be on tonight when I fall asleep! I ask for your prayers, dear readers, as I round each corner and face what's next. Thank you for allowing me a place to talk about my fears. I know God is there, ready...willing and able to handle all of it and to give me the grace and strength to continue to move forward.

"Be not afraid, I go before you always. Come, follow me...and I will give you rest."


You can read Part One here.

Book Review/Giveaway!

Every now and then I like to pick up a book to read for pure pleasure. That is not to say that I don't enjoy reading Sacred Scripture, the Catechism of the Catholic Church or some other spiritual piece. It's just that sometimes, I like to read a book that can allow me to escape reality...just for a little while. That's what I expected and what I got when I started reading "I Love You - Now Hush" by Melinda Rainey Thompson & Morgan Murphy! I just wanted to read it for entertainment purposes only! Well, it was entertaining alright! It was hysterical!

If you are from the South, then this book is for you! You will know exactly what these two Southern author's mean when they talk about things like....."Excuses Men Make for Not Reading the Instructions", "Worth Gaining a Few"..(pounds that is)...and first on the list....SWEET TEA, as well as "How to Romance a Southern Woman" and "How to Romance any Southern Male".

This book is very reminiscent of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" and while I take a very different stance on men/women roles (remember, I'm a conservative Italian, devout Catholic), I still have a sense of humor and can laugh hysterically at the honesty and wit of these two writers.

The writing style is a little different than what I'm used to....it's more of a collection of essays using the point/counterpoint way of expression, but it really works here. I promise that you will laugh, you will shake your head, you will probably even nod your head in agreement as you remember similar situations in your own life!

One half of this writing team, Melinda Rainey Thompson, is also the author of "SWAG: Southern Women Aging Gracefully" and "The SWAG Life". The other half, Morgan Murphy, has written for Forbes, Vanity Fair, The New York Post and Southern Living...among others.

I really did enjoy the book. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed it so much that I'm going to give away a copy to one lucky commenter. Just leave a comment here on this post by Friday, May 7th. I will pick a winner Friday evening and make the announcement here Saturday morning! If you have a blog and want to post about the contest...you will get a second entry...just make sure you link back to this post and let me know in your comment!